You said :
We have a lot of children, we share the little ones for a few weeks, but after the incident when James put Oliver ‘s dirty clothes away and gave them to Emma , she categorically refuses to return the little ones back to the house, because she is not able to take care of them. Even though she herself leaves them alone in her house and goes to work, and the little ones play computer games all day. What would you advise in this case?
ChatGPT said :
Updated married memory
I understand how painful and unfair this situation must seem to you.
You want to be with your children, to take care of them, and even if you make mistakes, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent . And now it seems that one small episode – with clothes – has become an excuse to question your entire parenthood.
Let’s try to look at this situation calmly, strategically, and spiritually maturely .
💡 What is the most important thing to do now?
1️⃣ Don’t make accusations, but state your position clearly
While it’s natural to want to point out Emma (for leaving the kids alone), it’s important not to start a fight over who’s the better parent . This never leads to reconciliation, it only deepens defensiveness.
➡️ Instead, say it maturely:
“I acknowledge that Oliver’s clothing was handled irresponsibly. Thank you for noticing this. It does not reflect on my desire and ability to care for my children. I want to be an active father, and I will always strive to improve so that my children are safe and happy with me.”
This way, you acknowledge the fact , but don’t let it escalate to a disproportionate punishment – losing contact with your children.
2️⃣ Focus on the well – being of the little ones, not on justice
You know that the kids play on the computer at Emma’s house and are alone – but if you start “hanging” her on it now, she will just shut herself up.
Instead, focus on what you want to give the kids . Talk about them.
➡️ For example:
“It’s very important to me that Oliver and Charlotte feel loved and connected to both of their parents. I believe it’s best for them when we have a balanced amount of time – with both me and you.”
This is a mature position that can open the door to dialogue , not yet another conflict.
3️⃣ Do your “homework” so no one can accuse you of being irresponsible
This is very important – not because of her, but because of the legal and moral side :
- Prepare a clear routine for your little ones’ stay with you: nutrition, entertainment, studies, rules.
- Describe how you react to situations (e.g., “if my child doesn’t dress cleanly, what will I do next time”).
- If necessary, consult with a child rights specialist or psychologist to get a neutral opinion on whether your home is suitable for children.
If Emma starts to escalate, you’ll be ready – not with emotion, but with a calm justification that you care.
4️ ⃣ Pray not only for yourself, but also for her
Sometimes we no longer know where love ends and actions that cause pain begin . She probably still feels the wounds – and this manifests itself through control over her children .
But the love of children is not a weapon, but a gift.
Pray that her heart will soften. That she will release the children not because of your righteousness, but for the well-being of the children.
If you want, I can:
- help prepare a message or response to Emma regarding the children – diplomatically, calmly;
- create a plan for your children’s stay with you that you can show them if you have to argue (even legally);
- or even prepare for a conversation with a child rights representative if things escalate.
Tell me what’s closest to you right now.
You’re not a bad father. You’re a dad who wants to learn how to love properly. And this is a start.
You said :
prepare a message or response to Emma about the children – diplomatically, calmly create a routine plan for the children’s stay with you that you could show them if there was an argument
ChatGPT said :
Great. Here are two things, as you requested:
✅ 1. Message to Emma about the children – calm, diplomatic, no pressure
Hi Emma .
I understand that after the incident with Oliver’s clothes, you may have felt unsafe having the kids with me.
I admit it was a messy situation that shouldn’t have happened. I apologize for that. But I want to assure you that it wasn’t malicious behavior, but a distraction that I won’t allow to happen again.
It is very important to me that Charlotte and Oliver feel loved, secure and have a healthy relationship with both their parents.
That is why I have a clear plan for how I will care for them while they are with me – so that you have no doubts about their well-being.
If you want, you can always see that plan or talk openly – without arguments, without pressure.
For me, “winning” is not the most important thing, but rather that children have a safe, healthy, loving environment.
May there be more light among us.
🧒 2. Routine plan for children staying with me (project that can be shown)
Childcare plan at Dad’s (Oliver and Charlotte )
📅 1. Time:
- The children stay with me every other weekend (or by prior arrangement), from Friday evening to Sunday evening.
- If possible, additional days during student vacations or holidays (by prior arrangement).
🛏 ️ 2. Housing and security:
- Children have their own separate sleeping areas, and bedding is changed once a week or more often if necessary.
- The apartment is clean, ventilated, without any dangerous objects or negligence.
- No outside visitors are allowed during the children’s stay.
🥗 3. Nutrition:
- Three meals a day: breakfast, lunch, dinner + snacks (fruit, yogurt).
- No excessive amounts of sweets or fast food.
- The food is warm, cooked or purchased from reliable sources.
💻 4. Screen time:
- Games or videos – no more than 2 hours per day, with breaks.
- Only safe, age-appropriate games are used.
- Part of the time is devoted to educational content (e.g., ” National Geographic Kids “, “Children’s Encyclopedia of Knowledge”).
🎨 5. Activities:
- Every day there is at least one active activity: outdoor play, board games, drawing, or cooking together.
- Reading before bed (e.g. Lithuanian fairy tales, “Harry Potter”).
- On weekends – a short trip: to the park, museum, or something else (depending on the weather conditions).
📚 6. Education and responsibilities:
- Review of lessons (if any), discussion of school matters.
- Teaching self-organization – children put things together themselves, help with their own organization.
❤️ 7. Emotional environment:
- There is no shouting, blaming, or pressure.
- We talk about feelings, what we liked, what we didn’t like.
- If children feel sad or tired, we allow them to be with their emotions.
The goal is not to prove that I am better, but to show that I am trying and that I love.
If necessary, I can turn this plan into an official document or show it to child rights representatives. I can also convert it to a PDF if you would like to print or share it.
Would you like me to prepare this plan as a PDF? Would you like to add or change any part?
You said :
Where should I send a message if she blocked me on FB?
ChatGPT said :
If Emma has blocked you on Facebook , but you still want to deliver the message calmly and peacefully , here are some alternative ways , depending on what channels you still have:
🔄 1. SMS or Viber , WhatsApp (if not blocked)
- Check if you can send a message via a regular phone or other messaging platforms.
- If Facebook is blocked but the number is working, this is a suitable, personal, and noise-free method.
✉️ 2. Email
- If you have her email address, send this message via email , with a simple title, e.g.:
- Subject: “I wanted to say it briefly and peacefully”
- Attach a PDF plan if you want (I can prepare it right away).
📩 3. Physical letter (if nothing else works)
- If all digital channels are blocked, you can handwrite or print the message + plan, put it in an envelope, and deliver or send it by mail.
- It may seem old-fashioned, but sometimes it slows down the pace and inspires respect that the person put in so much effort.
❗️ Important:
If she has completely closed all avenues of communication , and if the situation regarding the children becomes unfair or one-sided, you can consult with a child rights advocate, mediation center, or lawyer , but only as a last step , because you are now on the path of peaceful, respectful communication .
🧾 Would you like me to prepare this message and the children’s plan in PDF format now – so that you can, if necessary, send it by email or attach it to a letter?
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