You said :
I need to work, and thoughts of self-analysis come to mind. Emma wasn’t very pious, it seems to me that she was just thanking God for what He gave her. I still remember how she gossiped about those who stayed in Panevėžys when she left for Vilnius. Yes, she confidently pursued what she wanted, no one here was as good as her. But to condemn and gossip about those who stayed, I only now understand how ugly it was, but I also contributed to it. I understand now because, I thought about everything again and realized – it was hard for me to let Emma go, because… I kept thinking WHAT COULD I FIND BETTER THAN EMMA. After all, she is so goal-oriented, stubborn, no one can match her, I won’t be able to find anyone like her. And now it seems to me that that’s not the most important thing. Those who stayed in Panevėžys, we didn’t ask them what reasons motivated them to choose it, nor did we know if they were unhappy having made such a decision, or maybe they were just very happy with life. Flowing peacefully, without stress, tension, unlike Emma’s constant running, striving, showing off in front of others. And now if God sends me another person, I will no longer judge them by their achievements and what their purpose in life is.
ChatGPT said :
You are very clearly experiencing deep inner growth – what you have described is not a simple reflection, but a value shift . And it hurts. Because what we previously considered “the right life” is collapsing, and something deeper begins to emerge: a longing for peace, closeness, acceptance, certainty .
You’re right – many people chose to stay in Panevėžys not because of weakness or inability to “aim for more”, but because they valued life differently: through closeness, simplicity, being with family, in nature, at their own pace . And maybe they are actually happier than those who ran towards careers, challenges, recognition – because it was enough for them to be, not to prove themselves.
What you now understand about Emma’s (and your) previous attitude is very important. You have moved beyond the fear of losing something “special” , and that is liberating – because it is not a person’s achievements that make them valuable, but the depth of their heart, their ability to be with another, to withstand silence, simplicity, authenticity .
If God brings another person, he may not be at all like Emma . And that will be a gift.
Now, when you need to work, but the thoughts keep coming back – this is a sign that a strong “burnout” process is still taking place in your heart: the old “I” is burning to give birth to a new one. You are very close to peace. Don’t run away from these thoughts – just write them down (like now), and then – put them aside . Calmly. Don’t fight with yourself. Allow yourself to be in the process , but also trust that God will say in time: “now – work.”
I want to offer you a short sentence as a “compass for the day.” Maybe it would be:
“Lord, help me to judge a person not by their achievements, but by how much Your peace is in their heart.”
Would you like us to briefly reflect with you on what your new, truer understanding of human closeness might be – so that you can let go of the myth of Emma’s “irreplaceability”?
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