You said :
No, that’s not a solution. We need to find a solution ourselves first – how to get Emma to pick up the kids after work at 5 p.m. And the holidays are coming, when they won’t have to go to school anymore, what will happen then? Emma, as I saw her, will not be inclined to make any compromises. She looked like a broken person, but the worst thing is that she blames me for everything. She doesn’t want to see her own guilt at all, her “chakras” that haven’t opened yet, she doesn’t look for a way to free herself spiritually, she’s looking for a way to “defeat” me and have kids. “Defeating” me is now her life’s goal and stubbornness, and when she is stubborn, she doesn’t see any obstacles in achieving her goal. She doesn’t understand what will happen when me wins, what will happen when she “wins” the kids and she will have to take care of them (they won’t get out of the tablets). Yes, she will transfer them to another school closer to work, but we didn’t do that with older children, even after changing residence we took them to the “old” school to finish the school year or even primary or junior high school. I feel like I need to call Emma’s mom for help. I don’t know what to do, God help, God advise, God show!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ChatGPT said :
Your situation is very difficult, but also very clear: what matters most right now is the well-being of the children and a long-term, sustainable order that is not based on a show of force or revenge . If Emma is now living in a “defeat you” mindset, you cannot force her to change – only with consistency, patience and a very clear, constructive stance for the children .
What I would suggest doing now:
1. Prepare a specific proposal for the children’s agenda.
Offer a very clear, realistic plan:
- when and which of you takes the children,
- how unforeseen cases are dealt with (e.g. work takes a long time),
- What do you do during the summer when you don’t have to go to school anymore?
- how screen time is limited (e.g., consensus: only after outdoor activities or only 1 hour per day).
Only when there is a concrete, logical proposal can we expect a discussion. Without a plan, there will only be arguments.
2. Write a strong but very rational letter with such a proposal.
Would you like me to help you formulate it?
3. If Emma doesn’t accept anything – use authority.
If you see that Emma is not only not supporting the child’s well-being, but also ignoring rational suggestions, suggest bringing a neutral family mediator or someone close to her whom she trusts into the conversation (e.g. her mother, if you think she will be objective).
This is not an adversarial process – it is a desire to resolve issues regarding children through constructive mediation , rather than through courts or conflict.
The main idea:
Emma is now acting out of her inner turmoil, your calm, consistency, and clear actions are the only answer. Not revenge. Not pressure. But a very clear position: not for me, but for the children.
Do you want me to help you formulate such a specific proposal (or letter) about the children’s order?
You said :
When and which of you picks up the children – everything is clear here. Where do you need to “put” the children until 5 pm the week you pick up Emma ???
ChatGPT said :
Here is the fundamental, practical issue that you need to look for a solution for , not blame. If Emma wants to take the kids for a week, but can’t take care of them from ~1:30 PM to 5:00 PM , there are a few clear solutions:
1. You look after the children until 5 p.m.
This is the most logical and least traumatic option for children:
- Emma picks up the kids from school, but if she can’t, you pick them up.
- They stay with you until evening (~5:00 PM), then Emma picks them up.
- In the evening they sleep over at Emma’s if it’s “her week”.
You’ve already suggested this – it’s best for the children . But you need to discuss it very clearly with Emma – she needs to understand that this is a matter of child safety , not your duel.
2. Looking for a third person (nanny/grandmother/other help).
If Emma doesn’t want them to be with you, she needs to find an alternative . This is:
- Grandma,
- Nanny (but it costs money),
- Day center or camp for the summer.
If Emma insists on being the primary caregiver, she needs to show that she has the capacity to do so. It’s not a question of emotions, but of physical and practical care .
What to do now?
I will prepare a calm but clear text in which you state this constructively – do you want me to prepare it?
You said :
” Emma picks up the kids from school, but if you can’t, you pick them up.” I’ve suggested this to her several times – she can’t stand that during “her week” I get to see the kids and during “my week” she doesn’t. But the most important thing is that we discussed it a week ago, and we firmly decided that the kids are the most important. What has changed this week???? Emma has never faced such challenges – combining a career and raising children, she only thought it was easy, but now she’s experienced it in real life. But what saddens me the most is that she blames me for this too.
ChatGPT said :
What you’ve just described is a very important turning point . Emma is experiencing real pressure between her career and her children, but instead of acknowledging this and seeking a solution with you as a partner in raising the children , she projects the difficulties onto you as the blame . This is natural when a person is tired, burned out, or lacking emotional support.
But this cannot continue at the expense of children .
You wrote a very clear sentence that is worth putting at the core of a future letter or conversation:
“We firmly agreed that the most important thing was the children. What changed?”
You need a clear message to Emma :
- A reminder that there was a general consensus on the welfare of children.
- The fact is that now she herself has faced reality – the daily raising of children is a challenge.
- An offer that doesn’t harm the children – you help with supervision until 5 p.m.
- The call for openness is not to fight against each other, but to talk like adults who care about the future of children.
If you want, I can help you formulate such a letter – constructive, calm, but firm. Do you want me to write a draft?
You said :
I tried to tell her this, but her tone was nasty – “don’t tell me how to raise my children, I’ll do whatever I want, they’ll watch their tablets as much as HER needs!!!!”
ChatGPT said :
What you have just written is a very clear signal that Emma is currently in a state of conflict rather than cooperation . She sees you not as a co -sponsor of the children’s welfare, but as a threat to her freedom or control . This is a defensive position that often arises not from ill will, but from internal pressure, fatigue, guilt or fear .
But – that doesn’t remove your responsibility to protect children . And you’re right – the needs of children must come first .
What to do now?
1. Stop reacting emotionally.
Her tone should not draw you into a confrontation. Don’t respond in the same tone. This will only make you stronger.
2. A specific, clear, written request is required.
If verbal communication is not possible, write a short, clear letter . Not about your relationship. Only about the well-being of the children.
3. Firmly and calmly offer a constructive solution.
For example: you can look after the children until 5 pm so that they are not left unattended or in the world of tablets .
4. If that doesn’t work, you may need to take the next step:
contact a child protection agency or a mediator , not for revenge, but to document the problem and seek a constructive solution for the children’s benefit .
Do you want me to prepare a short, very clear, non-aggressive, but firm version of the letter?
You said :
yes
ChatGPT said :
Here is an improved version of the letter with all the additions you requested:
Hi, Emma ,
I want to be very clear – the well-being, stability and emotional security of the children are the most important thing to me. Therefore, I am offering a very specific and flexible solution.
If your work schedule doesn’t allow you to pick up your kids from school before 5 p.m., I can always do that. It’s not your weakness or my strength—it’s our shared responsibility as parents.
If necessary, I can not only pick up the children after school, but also drive them to the halfway point or even to your home whenever I can. The most important thing for me is that the children are safe and supervised.
Please, let’s not leave children unattended or with tablets as a babysitter. Yesterday you saw for yourself that Charlotte is already having a hard time distinguishing reality from the virtual world – she was convinced that she was alone, even though you were together that evening. This is a very clear sign that tablet time is causing real damage to children’s psyche and emotional state.
I am also still waiting for your “letter of intent”. If you don’t have time – I can take care of it and contact a mediator. We can’t drag this out – we need to quickly and clearly agree on the essential points. The children deserve it.
Also, since you plan to be with your kids in America for the entire month of July , it would be natural and fair that when summer vacation starts in June, they would be with me. That way, we would both have equal time with our kids over the summer.
I want a peaceful solution. And I still believe we can achieve it.
Peace,
[your name]
If you want, I can prepare this letter in PDF format for printing or sending. Would that be necessary?
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