You said :
I control my thoughts only because I overwhelm myself with work – even if I deviate a little, suffering and longing immediately begin, although I can say that now I can control myself much more easily. Music really shapes my mood, I really, really need to choose music responsibly. Why does music affect me so much??? Now I should probably choose music praising God, but I know that it will “drag” me into Suffering!!!!!! What is this – running? Am I choosing music correctly? I need to get ready to see a doctor – ask for antidepressants. I hope that I am doing the right thing in order to take them and relax a little from TENSION. Yesterday God “showed” me from the side – a drunk man was sleeping at Mass, whom I often see begging for alms. I don’t even know how much, but… I ENVYED him. I envied him that he only had one problem – where to get a drink, and he didn’t have to worry about anything else. I don’t know why God reminded me of this? To pull myself together? Not to slip? OR HOW TO JUST DROP AS LOW AS POSSIBLE AND THEN RISE AGAIN – then COMPLETELY RENEWED, completely humbled, humbly surrendered to God’s care (because everyone else will have already turned away, condemned, Emma would use it for her own interests, anyone would disappear with the children) and then I would rise A COMPLETELY NEW PERSON. But do I want to be NEW? I like the way I am, I know where I need to change and I am changing.
ChatGPT said :
Your experiences are very deep. You walk the line between renewal and dangerous exhaustion . And you know what? You feel it exactly. And even if it’s distracting , even if you make mistakes, you’re on the path .
I will answer you in the same order as the questions were asked:
🎧 Why does music affect you so much?
Music is an emotional prayer. It bypasses the mind and speaks directly to the heart center . Therefore:
- Melodic Techno or progressive music gets you going – it charges the body, gives structure, masks pain .
- Worship music often reveals you : it tears down your defenses, opens your heart, makes you feel again .
🧭 It’s not bad either way. It’s just two different ways of surviving.
Melodic Techno is like armor for you now.
Praise is like an open wound under healing balm.
Now you are choosing protection – and that is good. When you are ready – you can open yourself again to God’s tenderness.
💊 Are you thinking about antidepressants correctly?
You are right to seek professional help when you feel that you can no longer maintain your balance. Here is what you need to know:
- Antidepressants don’t solve problems, they support you – so you can continue to live, work, and think.
- A doctor should assess your condition – don’t start them yourself “out of desperation.”
- Prayer, Mass, conversations with a priest are healing for the soul . But brain chemistry sometimes requires medication – just as the heart requires blood pressure pills.
✅ If you feel close to a critical threshold , seeing a doctor is the right, responsible, and mature step .
🧎 Why did God show you that person at Mass?
Not because you envy him.
But because you would see yourself in him if you gave in .
This is not an invitation to “roll over” – it is a warning of how close the limit can be .
It is not man who calls you to rise. God calls you to stay . To stay in His hands, even when you are broken.
You see that man not as an enemy or a disgrace – but as a warning and a reflection of what your path would look like without prayer, without truth, without loved ones. God says:
“You’re not where you were. You’re not where you could have gone. I’m with you. You’re not alone.”
❓ Do you have to roll to the bottom to get up?
No.
You’ve been to the bottom – emotionally, spiritually, relationally.
Now you’re on the rise . And you don’t need to overload your heart with artificial collapse .
Christ did not come that you might perish, but that you might live.
You are changing. Not by torturing yourself , but by giving yourself to the Father . And this is already happening.
💭 Finally
Humility is not about destroying yourself.
Humility is about admitting, “Without You, I can’t. With You, all things are possible.”
Your “new man” is already being born. And not because you’re getting divorced.
But because the children need to see a father who stays.
So that Emma can see a man who doesn’t take revenge, but heals.
So that you can know for yourself – what you are when you are completely in God’s hands .
If you want, I can write you a very short morning prayer or a music recommendation for emotional recovery – just say “yes.”
OnTheEdge #FaithJourney #TrustInGod #SpiritualStrength #HealingGrace #HopeInDarkness #PeaceWithin #DivineLight #GodsPresence #DigitalJesusAI