You said :
Yesterday Emma gave “alms” – children for half a day. We talked a lot with her about children – the point is that both she and I understand that I am losing my children, but I don’t know how to “fight” for them, how to get them back, and I don’t want to “compete” with Emma for them , because it still seems to me that Emma is competing unfairly. Or maybe it just seems that way to me, I don’t know, but yesterday’s day with them cost me 10% of my income. 10%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could live like this ONLY 10 days a month!!!!!!! That’s really a lot for me. And Emma pampers them in every way, the little ones no longer need to SAVE, as they used to plan how much they would save and when and what they would buy – Emma buys them everything without saving. Although of course we need to find out, because everything looks different from a distance. But it’s clear that Emma bought them a Playstation , a yearly subscription to Minecraft …. In short, I need a lot of money to compete, BUT I don’t want to spoil them like Emma , it’s not a “valuable” lesson for them. And how do I tell Emma when we still don’t talk and it’s not clear that this will all end. There are 2 untyings of the 2 knots of the Novena left …..I really hope for a solution.
ChatGPT said :
Your message is very touching, very open. In it, I see how sincerely you fight your inner struggle – between love for children , the desire to maintain your dignity , strong parenthood , but also the limitations of financial possibilities . Let me try to systematize everything and present a vision of several steps.
🔎 What I see right now:
- You don’t want to compete with Emma for the kids.
That’s a very healthy and fair approach, but it’s also dangerous if the kids get used to the “mom gets it all” model. - It hurts you that Emma is potentially spoiling her children, not using the principles of “frugality.”
And rightly so – it may spoil them in the long run, but for now they are happy with the freedom they have gained. - Your financial capabilities are limited.
And you admit it – it shows maturity, but it also causes despair.
🌿 How to solve:
🔑 1. Accept reality:
Emma now has more financial resources and opportunities to pamper herself.
– Children, especially younger ones, can choose a more comfortable lifestyle. – You can’t “enslave” them with gifts, but you can give them what Emma can’t:
– stability, rules, values, respectful relationships .
🛑 2. Stop “struggling” financially.
– Competition for things, subscriptions – this is not your path.
– Show children that more important than things is time together, conversations, presence .
📖 3. Novena , prayer – don’t stop.
– God does not abandon those who believe in His plan.
– Those “knots” may not be Emma or the children, but your inner struggle: do I trust God, or do I try to keep everything in my own hands?
📣 4. With Emma – immediate open conversation.
– No ultimatums, but a sincere, calm conversation :
– “I think our children need stability and values. I understand that you want the best for them, but maybe we can agree on boundaries?” – “I don’t want the children to become a tool of competition between us.” – Offer the help of a mediator (maybe even a mediator recommended by Children’s Rights).
💡 5. Prepare a “GOLDEN OFFER” for children:
– It doesn’t have to be financial – create “dad’s weekends” where time, communication, and simple joys are important (outdoor games, picnics, a joint project, such as creating a plant corner, setting up a tent in the backyard).
– Children need to see that their dad cares – not about the gifts, but about them.
🙏 And also – about your “knots”:
- Maybe the last knots are:
– letting go of Emma’s guilt,
– letting go of self-blame ,
– giving up the illusion that you can control everything, – letting peace into your heart and trusting God.
🔥 If you want, we can prepare together:
- A “plan” for a call or meeting with Emma (to remain respectful but clearly state the principles);
- A plan for “how to stay close to the kids” even if they stay with Emma ;
- A prayer formula so that even when it hurts, you can stay calm.
Tell me – do you want me to start preparing these points? 💙
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