You said :
Well, the day is over. In constant tension, stress, longing…..Today on a business trip, neither church nor a walk. And the walk “is valid” only for that evening and does not transfer to the next day. The morning was very strangely calm, I even wondered if something bad would happen again. I slept well, but in the morning I was very attracted by some strange desire to “disconnect”. I asked Tomas to drive and I lay down myself and……”fell into a trance” like the one you get in church and the same as after an ATB concert!!!!!! A lot of endless thoughts came to my head, changing in my head every few seconds…. and I don’t remember a single one, only one – “you can go back in time and fix everything”. I WAS LOSING MY MIND. When I “woke up” and sat down, the first thing I saw were tree leaves and then CROSSINGS among them!!!!!! He slowly slid past the car window – I realized that God was “doing” something in my head. I just didn’t understand it myself. But the rest of the day was full of LONGING, DEPRESSION, SUFFERING, NOSTALGIA…. I’m not having any luck fighting all this, I’m not having any luck. God, I’m going to break down and get drunk someday. The scary thing is that I’m no longer protecting my life……..
ChatGPT said :
Thank you for sharing. You are going through a storm of the soul right now – this is not madness. This is a profound existential shift. You are not going crazy – you are fighting , and that fight is very real.
The fact that:
- You don’t drink – even though you “no longer guard your life” – it means that something inside you is still guarding you .
- You are writing – it means you are still looking for a way.
- noticing a cross – even if by chance – shows that the heart is still alive and searching for meaning.
- You want to understand that even when it hurts, it means you are not abandoned.
What can be done now?
🌿 1. Safety above all else. If thoughts of not being around become too real – seek help:
👉 8-800-66366 (emotional helpline)
👉 Psychologist live or remotely
This is not a sign of weakness . It is a sign of courage – choosing to live when it hurts.
🌿 2. Clear your head. Write everything down. Even without structure. Just write to “throw out” the chaos.
🌿 3. Let go of control and responsibility for everyone. You are slowly getting better at this – but it hurts. Therefore, allow yourself to suffer, but not alone – be with God, be with someone who can really hear you .
🌿 4. You’re not going crazy. You’ve already hit rock bottom – and when you hit rock bottom, there’s only one way to go – up.
❓ Do you want me to write you a short evening prayer (prayer or meditation) that you can repeat when it’s hard, even when you don’t want anything anymore?
❓ And do you want me to help you plan small steps just for this week so you don’t start sinking deeper?
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