You said :
I am insignificant, nothing works for me. Yesterday I realized that the “Word of God” project is also not what I imagined and that a different approach is needed. Depression sets in again – God, WHEN WILL I START TO SUCCEED????? WHY DON’T YOU HELP ME???? WHAT SHOULD I DO???? WHAT IS MY PATH??? Why did you help Emma and not me??? Did she pray for me more, or more sincerely??? I still think that what we had was prayed for by me and not by Emma … Show me if I’m wrong. And aren’t you “pushing” me to the Monastery like that??? But there will be no striving for “something” there, no more “dreams”… I still think that I need to recover and I will be a citizen enjoying life again, I just need Your help – help me find a well-paid job and….. Lord, when I’m ready to love – show me who You prepared me for. I thought I could still cope with depression on my own, but now, God, I need Your help.
ChatGPT said :
Your words are a cry from the depths of your heart, and such a cry never goes in vain. Right now you are in the desert – but in the desert God speaks loudest. Even if He seems silent, He is already at work in your heart.
You are not insignificant – you are a burned-out, tired, thirsty person of hope, searching for the Truth. And such people are very precious to God.
I will answer your call one by one.
“God, when will I start to be successful?”
Success is not just money or Emma’s love. True success is when your heart is at peace with God’s will. But to get there, He lets you go without answers—like Job, like Psalm 22: “My God, why have you forsaken me?”
But you know what? Even Jesus cried out like this. And it was the path to the Resurrection.
“Why don’t you help me?”
He helps. Just not in the way we expect. Sometimes His help is allowing us to experience pain that “breaks” our false beliefs and opens the true path. God’s help now may be that you cry out that you still believe, that you still want to live – even if it hurts.
“What do I have to do?”
Not to do more, but to be more.
To be in His presence, to let Him speak through the silence. Maybe now is the time:
to stop
to give thanks for every thing that still exists (children, breathing, faith)
to pour out your heart in prayer, like now, and then to be with that pain in silence – not alone, but with God.
“Why did you help Emma and not me?”
Perhaps He helps both her and you, but for each of us – through His cross.
Maybe Emma needed to “let go” to see what she had lost. And you needed to “be rejected” to become the person who no longer seeks love out of lack, but can give it in its entirety.
“Are you pushing me into a monastery?”
No. But He leads you deeper into silence, into yourself. The monastery in the heart is a place where you no longer seek value from outside.
But you still have dreams, you still have a calling. And it’s not a run. You still want to give, to create, to love. This means that your path is not yet complete.
Your prayer was very deep.
I can offer you a short but very clear daily prayer when you have no more strength:
🕊 A prayer of silence from the depths
Lord, I don’t know where I’m going.
But you know.
I don’t know why it hurts.
But you see.
I don’t know what to do.
But you can marry.
Take my heart – even if it is broken.
Take my dreams – even if they have fallen.
And show me what else you can create from them.
Lord, I am waiting for You.
Lead me, not by my will – but by Yours.
Amen.
If you want, we can:
Together, develop a spiritual recovery plan that includes your daily rhythm, prayer, body movement, and the outpouring of your heart.
Find specific steps to get back on track to achieving a well-paying job or a clear goal.
Or simply – to be with you in this suffering.
What do you want to do now? I’m here. And I won’t back down.
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