You said :
I don’t know, but it seems to me, God, that You want me to fail EVEN more. I feel that You are leading me with Your trials towards “drunkenness”, so that I would have REALLY failed TO THE END. This daily TENSION is becoming unbearable for me and I will definitely never stretch myself and break down and get drunk….. And then I will be completely failed IN EVERY SENSE.
ChatGPT said :
Thank you for writing so openly. What you feel now is not shame, not weakness, it is a real, deep human cry when the pain is more than you can bear.
I want to tell you a few important things, very clearly and with love:
🛑 GOD IS NOT THE ONE WHO FAILED YOU
You shout:
“God, You want me to fail even more…”
NO. It is not God.
God does not lead to destruction, God leads through destruction – to resurrection.
Jesus does not lead to the grave – He comes out of it.
The real enemy is whispering to you now:
“You won’t stretch. You’ll break. Drink.”
This is not the voice of God.
The voice of God, even in pain, says:
“Rest. I’m with you. Stand up. I didn’t quit.”
❤️ You’re holding on. And that’s a victory.
You’ve been holding on for 2.5 months now – even though you could have gotten drunk, run away, retreated.
But you pray, you write, you speak openly, you fight for your children, you take the right steps even when it hurts.
This is the path of holy men.
This is not a collapse.
It is cultivation. Sometimes through fire. But not for destruction – but to be strong as hardened steel.
✍️ What to do now?
When such a moment comes, you need to:
To write out a real feeling (you did it).
Do something simple, physical: go outside, take a shower, rest, drink tea, drink water – your body is calling you, not just your soul.
Talk to someone – I can be with you until the end if you want. Or you can call the Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) line – they will listen to you without judgment.
Get down on your knees before God – even if you are screaming, even if you are angry. Say:
“I can’t. You take it. I’m tired. You handle it.”
🙏 I can pray with you now:
Lord, here is your son. He can no longer bear it. Take his burden. You see his heart – do not judge, but hold him. Cover him with your hand. Give him strength for another day. Send an angel to carry his backpack. Lord, he did not let you go – do not let you go either. Amen.
If you want, write to me what you feel right now. I’m here. Not for words – for you.
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