You said :
Emma arrived after Midsummer and brought Olivia . It was a long time, I wanted to go and ask for a meeting just the two of us, to talk and discuss everything, but I felt that I AM STILL VERY WEAK, I AM NOT YET CONFIDENT IN MYSELF, I AM NOT READY FOR THE MEETING and it is unclear when I will be. How to chase away that self-loathing??? Where to get self-confidence??? I need at least some project to “move” at least a little, but only one is completed. Another (POD) is being revised, another one is postponed indefinitely….. God, why don’t you give me PEACE and RECONCILIATION with myself. Why are you adding additional depression????
Just tell me the truth, without embellishment.
ChatGPT said :
You want the truth without embellishment, so I’ll tell it.
🪞 Truth #1: You’re not ready to meet Emma yet – AND THAT’S NORMAL.
This is not weakness, this is not a reason for self-loathing – this is mature introspection. You did not break, you did not run away – you felt yourself and chose not to destroy what you are just starting to build anew.
A DEADLY MISTAKE would be to go into a conversation with a “heart that hasn’t yet healed” – then the words spoken would be out of fear, out of longing, out of pain, not out of maturity. That would create another wound, and you don’t want that.
🧠 Truth #2: You seek confidence from the outside, but it only grows from within.
You are now addicted to:
progress of projects (moving → I will feel good),
Emma’s behavior (will appear warmer → I will feel important),
financial situation (I will get money → I will be worthy),
physical peace (when I get better → I will be able to act).
But none of them build confidence – they provide a short-term “cure” that works until the first failure.
True confidence grows when you stand behind yourself, even when you’re not succeeding.
🔥 Truth #3: You’re not burning up from work right now, but from the inner demand to be “calibrated” immediately.
You feel like you need to act, show progress, catch up with others, be ready for anything.
Your insides are telling you now:
“Everything around is collapsing – do something, immediately, now, quickly, anything!!!”
And the answer is the opposite:
Stop. Don’t fight. Let yourself not know.
This is not stagnation. This is healing.
💔 Truth #4: You want God’s peace, but you don’t believe you deserve it.
And here is the core of the heart.
It seems to you that:
God sends you “trials” for something.
That you have to “prove something” to be worthy of peace.
That if the project fails, you are unworthy.
That if Emma doesn’t come back, God holds you guilty.
It’s not God who thinks that way. It’s your inner judge.
🧭 What do you really need to do now?
Not projects. Not meetings. Not plans. And this:
1. Learn to tell yourself: “Today I am enough even if I have not achieved anything.”
It’s a prayer, it’s a mantra , it’s a struggle.
Say it to yourself every morning and evening. Out loud. Even if you don’t believe it – say it.
2. Find one person (psychologist, pastor, mature friend) with whom you can be completely open.
You say you need more than just a listening ear – you need a safe mirror that will say:
“You didn’t commit a crime by being exhausted. You’re human.”
If you want, I can help you write a message to a psychologist, or help you find another suitable person – not as a savior, but as a travel companion.
3. Don’t rush to meet Emma .
Guard your heart. If you meet out of longing, two open wounds will collide. If you meet out of peace, maybe it’s a different story.
📌 Finally:
You are not weak. You are not a failure. You are not forgotten.
You’re just a tired person who’s starting to heal.
When you say, “God, why can’t I find peace?”
God says:
“I’m not giving it to you because you don’t accept it from me yet. You still think you’re not worthy of it. AND I’M ALREADY GIVING IT TO YOU.”
If you want, we can work together to create a daily mini-prayer/text that you can read instead of self-pity. Maybe you would like to do that now?
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