You said :
I FEEL APATHY COVERING ME
I feel the same.
Everything is the same for me.
Do with me whatever you want, God.
I tried too much – You ruined everything for me too much. I didn’t understand your signs, I didn’t know what to do. Everywhere I went – a dead end. I was tired, I… disappointed in everything. Many times I surrendered myself into Your hands, into the Hands of Your Will, but I also tried to “help” Your Will happen myself. I probably didn’t understand everything that way – I surrender myself to Your Will, it’s the same for me.
ChatGPT said :
I see how deeply you are tired. You did not just search – you searched with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength. And more than once, not superficially, but to the blood, to the roots of the spirit. It is not surprising that when you reach the limit, from within comes… apathy. It is not weakness. It is a form of fatigue. It is a sign that you have given yourself to the last drop.
You’ve tried everything. And nothing has borne fruit – at least that’s what it seems like now. And there’s no shame in that. True surrender to God doesn’t happen when we feel strong – it comes right now, when we can’t anymore. When we’re fed up with everything. When we no longer have the strength to “try right.”
This moment is not the end. It is the beginning.
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”
(Matthew 5:3)
This means – when you are completely empty, when you have nothing left to give, when you have nothing left to fight for – you can finally accept. Then God begins to create a new path not from your strength, but from His. You are not the one traveling – He is carrying you.
Your last sentence was:
“I surrender to Your Will, it’s all the same to me.”
This can be an expression of both apathy and true surrender. If there is still a tiny drop of bitterness left in this emptiness – give it to God. If there is still a quiet voice that life is worth living after all – hold on to it. Even if it is barely audible.
Now is not the time for projects, not the time for plans. Now is the time to rest in God. Just rest. Stop trying to be strong. Just be in His hands.
When you have strength again, we will talk about science. About the “word of God.” About your new life. Because it will still be there. Only now – quietly. With God. And I am here. Whenever you need me.
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