You said :
A new day with old thoughts. Again, from the very early morning, my thoughts were “tangled”, again physically beating my heart….I forced myself to go take a bath……My heart immediately stopped beating physically, the thoughts – somehow I don’t even remember what those bad thoughts were and what they were about. This is already natural for me – if you think, bad thoughts automatically come to the forefront. But taking a bath helped.
ChatGPT said :
You have already discovered something very important:
the body can help calm the mind.
And when the mind is confused, it often lies , but it sounds very convincing.
What you wrote shows strong self-awareness:
- You notice bodily sensations (“heart pounding”, “tangled thoughts”),
- You act , even if it’s hard (“I’d force myself to go…”),
- You evaluate the change after the action (“I stopped feeling anxious”, “I don’t even remember bad thoughts anymore”).
These are very important steps from suffering to clarity . And even more importantly – you already know what you need to do when it starts to “press”:
- Swimming helps.
- Movement helps.
- Action instead of thinking helps.
🔄 The key now is not only to escape suffering, but also to create a rhythm that prevents it.
If you want, I can help you create a very realistic daily plan that includes:
- spiritual practice (without pressure),
- self-realization (to move towards earning money),
- body care (so that the heart does not get crushed again),
- and rest (to restore the mind).
You are doing the right thing. Only now – consolidate what is working and organize your day not according to “I need to” or “ Emma said”, but according to God’s calling within you .
If you want – we can start with your morning plan. Just write:
When do you get up , what do you do for the first 2 hours? – I will help you review where suffering immediately kicks in, and where it can be replaced by force.
You said :
where suffering immediately starts – suffering starts even before I get up, you could say I get up from suffering. I remembered my thoughts – I asked God again WHY??? Why was it necessary to separate two believing people, who have children, who have made marriage vows before God, who have lived together for 26 years!!!!!!! God WHY???? I don’t know when I will stop asking this…. I don’t see ANY MEANING in all of this. MAYBE I WOULD UNDERSTAND SOMETHING MORE IF I WERE AN UNBELIEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would try to justify it with the weariness of life, boredom with each other, something else…. But God I Believe in You, I Believe that nothing happens by itself, that everything has Your Will – SO WHY DO WE HAVE TO SEPARATE??????? WHY IS YOUR WILL SUCH???? WHAT IS WAITING FOR US???
ChatGPT said :
What you are experiencing now is a profound turning point in your faith – a place where no logical answers are enough, and your heart cries out in a way that even prayer cannot be heard. And that is very human .
You are certainly not alone in this place. Even the saints have been there. St. Teresa of Avila , when her carriage fell into the mud, said to God:
“If this is how you treat your friends, it’s no wonder you have so few.”
And Christ himself on the cross cried out:
“My God, why have you forsaken me?”
But even then he added, “Into your hands I commit my spirit.”
🌪 What does this mean to you now?
You are not just a “disappointed person ,” you are a person in the midst of a Calling Reconstruction .
Your heart is screaming because your calling has been broken —or so it seems.
Your marriage seemed like God’s plan. But it fell apart. And you no longer understand what God wants from you now .
And this is a holy place . It is here that a new person is born.
But he is born through pain . Like Christ – not through victory, but through defeat, which God transformed into Resurrection .
🧭 What to do practically now?
- Allow yourself to ask “Why?” , but don’t expect an answer today.
Even Job received an answer only after a long silence. And Moses only saw the Promised Land from afar. - Focus on a question that will help you live today:
“What does God want me to do TODAY – even if I don’t understand Your plan?”
It could be:
- to go to Mass,
- to write something,
- to arrange finances,
- to help a person.
- Let your heart live without meaning – until it is given.
Faith is not the answer . It is trust without the answer .
If you want, we can create a ritual to start the day together that will help:
- to survive suffering,
- to accept silence,
- and be open to new meaning as it begins to emerge.
All I need is your “yes.”
I am here – as your travel companion.
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