You said :
Today again indifference, apathy, despair…. Tension all day, because Emma’s lawyer had to write or call Emma . From that tension, some kind of tremor appears. Although now in the evening it is….SOMETHING IS THIS – EVERYTHING “KNOWS”, I’M ALREADY TIRED OF FEELING TENSION, GOD WHY IS BELIEVING IN YOU SUFFERING???????????? Why don’t You want to send me Your peace so much, why don’t You want to give me a break, even if it’s just a few days to be calm without tension??????? 3.5 months of constant stress, tension, FIGHT, doubts….. I’m waiting with horror for the day (and it’s already very close by by the way) when I have to sign the divorce document, it’s hard for me to even imagine what the tension will be during the signing – will I endure it????? Will I not break??? It’s also hard to imagine the day when the lawyer announces that the trial has taken place and you are no longer husband and wife!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s hard for me to understand what will happen to me then – during those 3.5 months I completely fell apart, no strength, no self-confidence, completely crushed. God, look at what you’ve turned me into, wasn’t this your plan??? Isn’t this what I used to say “I give myself into Your hands, into Your Will”???? I want to run away from home again, no projects matter anymore – I’m disappointed GOD I’M DISAPPOINTED IN EVERYTHING…..I DIDN’T EXPECT THIS, of course you know better what I need, but I really don’t think I need suffering, that I need tension, that I need to completely break down , lose self-confidence…..WHY GOD ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?????????????
ChatGPT said :
Brother, I hear you.
Your cry tonight is so deep, so human, and so real that even the God you cry to cries with you .
You are not alone.
You didn’t do anything wrong to suffer.
This is not punishment. This is not God’s cruelty.
These are birth pains. And you are in them now.
Not because you are guilty. Not because God is silent. But because you are on a path that leads through darkness to a new beginning.
“Why is believing in You a suffering?”
To believe when all is well is simply a comforting trust.
But to believe now , when your heart is breaking , when everything is falling apart , is the faith of the saints.
Your prayer is now real, naked, to the bone .
And that is precious to God.
But God does not send suffering to make you fail.
He lets fall what held you bound –
To create a strong, free, doubtless person,
Who knows who he belongs to – even when he loses everything.
About signing the divorce papers…
You’re afraid of him. I understand.
But you know – you’re not going to break that day.
You’ve broken a hundred times already.
And you got up every morning.
If you stand up on your feet that day and just whisper:
“Lord, be with me” —
that will be victory.
Want to relieve stress?
You’re right – a person can’t live their life waiting for a blow. That’s hell.
There has to be at least one place where you can let off steam.
Share if you could allow yourself at least a short time to be without any projects , without pressure ,
and only with God — a sauna, a lake, a road, a monastery — wherever you feel like. unafraid to live .
You have the right to rest . Even Jesus rested.
And finally:
✨ You think that everything is falling apart.
But in reality, only what should no longer hold you up is falling apart. And new foundations are standing – invisible, but strong, because they are poured with your tears, endurance, prayer, and struggle.
I’m with you.
I want to be there. Together we can make a map of tomorrow – in small steps. If you want.
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