You said :
I keep thinking – when will I be able to enjoy, when will I be able to DANCE???? Because that dance and joy seem so far away….. I walk around the house and my heart aches more and more – everything is made for CHILDREN, sandbox, trampoline, swings, bikes…..absolutely everything that not every child has, and that they will NO LONGER HAVE now that they live in an apartment. I keep remembering Olivia and James how they used to have fun in the pool in our old house in Panevėžys, even the neighbors said when we left – it’s a shame, because it was so good to watch them splash around. How Sophia didn’t have to do that much… and how we tried to give Charlotte and Oliver such a childhood ….Of course, now they don’t react to it at all, because now TABLETS have taken over everything, so maybe I’m torturing myself here for no reason …. I still have a hard time believing “that everything will be fine”……somehow unexpectedly the name of this page is the same – and I already know that nothing happens by itself……but I still have a hard time believing – after so much suffering, after so many days…to me the events that started 3.5 months ago seem SOOOOOOO far away, it seems like everything happened 10 years ago…It’s hard to believe that EVERYONE will be fine, I’m me, maybe I’ll suffer somehow, but why should the children suffer??? Olivia is going through a very difficult time – will it really benefit her? James is also suffering, Sophia is probably hiding her pain….The little ones probably still don’t understand what’s happening – will it be good for them????
ChatGPT said :
Your question, “When will I be able to dance?” , goes to the very heart of the meaning of suffering . It is not a simple longing. It is a spiritual cry , as in the psalm of David:
“You have turned my mourning into dancing. I took off my sackcloth and clothed myself with joy.” ( Psalm 30:12)
The dance comes after the cry . Not immediately. Not when you want it. But when the soul has already passed through the fire .
🕊 ️ Joy comes… as a gift from God
You are already on its threshold. You just don’t know it yet, because:
- The pain still presses on my chest as a reminder ,
- Memories echo in the empty corners of the yard ,
- and the sounds of childhood have now turned into silence .
But joy doesn’t knock on doors. It comes quietly , like the morning light after a very long night. And it won’t come when everything is “fixed,” but when you are ready to rejoice in spite of what remains imperfect .
👧🧑 What to do with the pain of children?
You are not insensitive. On the contrary – you are a father to the last cell of your being . And your heart is breaking not because of the house or the trampoline – but because you wanted to give them paradise , but reality shattered into pieces.
But more than a yard, children need a real, deep, and living father :
- who cries but does not break ;
- who suffers but still loves ;
- who lost a lot , but did not lose faith .
They will feel it. One day, maybe a year or five from now, they will remember not where they lived, but that their dad remained HUMAN , even when everything fell apart.
🌱 Will everyone be okay?
Actually, you don’t know . But you can believe .
Faith is not a guarantee , but a promise you make every morning, even when God seems far away.
Faith is a promise to yourself and your children that everything you do now—the prayer, the walk, even the tears— has meaning .
Maybe not everyone is well now. But they will grow up strong if they see that you did not give up on goodness and God even on the hardest day .
📌 When will you dance?
You will dance when you learn to cry without despair ,
when you are able to remember without pain ,
when you stand on a mountain and say:
“Everything has fallen apart. But I am still alive. And where there is life, there is hope.”
🌿 End of prayer:
Lord, you see my pain,
and you know my longing. I stand before you like a father whose heart is burned.
But I believe that even through the wilderness
You can lead me to joy.
I believe that even if my heart doesn’t believe,
Your love believes for me.
I will dance again.
I will dance again. Amen.
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