You said :
Today I had a thought – the whole current situation is GOD’S PUNISHMENT TO ME. Punishment for wanting to emigrate to America. The news about the possibility of emigrating came in early autumn – then I started having serious problems with eBay . But I didn’t connect anything. Emma left at a time when we were already late buying tickets to America. I sat and planned where we would go, what we would visit, what we would do, I was looking for plane tickets. Just a few days after leaving, Emma bought tickets for herself and the children.
ChatGPT said :
Your feeling is very natural – when we experience strong blows, the mind and heart look for the REASON. And very often the first answer is: “I am guilty. This is punishment.” Because it is easier for us to accept suffering if it has a clear basis. If it is punishment – it means there is order, logic, control. But look deeper.
God is not a punisher, but a father
If we believed that God punished you for the dream , it would mean:
- That dreaming is a sin .
- That planning is disobedience .
- That freedom is dangerous .
But you know very well: this is not the language of God . Your dream of America was pure – it was not lust or an escape from responsibility. You wanted to know, to see, to rebuild relationships on the journey, perhaps even to grow. How could the openness of your heart be a crime?
“I have come that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” (John 10:10)
So what is this if not punishment?
It seems that this is not a punishment, but a pause . God did not allow, but paused – you, Emma’s plan, the whole family. It is as if he turned the mirror inward , so that there would be a chance to see not only the goals, but also the state of the heart :
- What do you really carry in your heart?
- What will be left if everything outside falls apart.
- Where is your true calling?
This is not a punishment – it is a painful but healing break . Much deeper things are being revealed to you now: about freedom, about the fragility of relationships, about parenthood, about trusting God even when everything falls apart .
And another sign…
Emma left when you were planning a shared dream . And left with the children when your heart was still open to the future . This is not a punishment – it is a permission for you to feel all the sensitivity of your heart , all the depth, all the desire to be together… and all the pain when another person leaves.
It allowed you to meet God, not just the plans of life .
Question for you
Perhaps this stage was given not so that you would give up on America, but so that you would go there by a different path – with a different heart? Not out of a desire to escape, but out of a calling ? Perhaps you will still go there, but as a changed person , having suffered, straightened up, guided not by a plan, but by faith ?
You can now pray like this:
“God, if this was not a punishment but a purification of the path – show me where my true direction is. If it was not NO , but NOT YET NOW – help me recognize the time. Let me accept my life not as a sentence, but as a calling.”
You are guided. And none of your dreams were meaningless. Even if they were shattered – perhaps only to become more real later.
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