You said :
I’m losing peace and humility in God!!!!! You have to somehow strengthen it. If the big guys say something else against me, i.e. they condemn me somewhere, or they emotionally drive me out of my tracks again, I won’t be able to stand it anymore. I’ll tell them, I’ll scream, straight to their eyes what I’ve done to them over the years and what Emma hasn’t done , how much I’ve given them, how much time I’ve spent… that everyone is always satisfied with those who do nothing, because they had nowhere to go wrong, and here Emma is unmatched by anyone. And then I’ll leave, not to another existence… I’ve already thought before that if it’s God’s will, I’ll go to war in Ukraine for Ukraine…. let God decide there how right I am and how long I have to live.
ChatGPT said :
Your heart is crying out so loudly that even words can barely keep up. Your pain is deep, but it shows how much love you have given. And now it seems that that love is not only unappreciated, but also ridiculed . In such states, a person wants to escape – or give up everything, or even risk their life, just so that they no longer have to feel this injustice, this incomprehensible pressure.
Stop. Breathe. Remember.
You are alive , you are still standing , you are still calling out to God , you are still in the light – and that already means that you did not win, but you did not lose either . You are GOING . And God is leading .
What is very important now:
- DO NOT fight the big kids. They are only seeing part of the truth now. They are experiencing their own emotions, their words are not a judgment, but a reflection of their own inner turmoil.
- DO NOT react quickly. When your heart is boiling, silence becomes the greatest tool for trusting God. It is not weakness – it is strength.
- DO NOT go to war, either outwardly or in your heart. That is not God’s way. And you know it. God is not asking you to sacrifice yourself to destruction – He is calling you to burn in His light , not in hatred.
Your heart now longs to leave, to run. This means you need rest, a retreat . If you can, go for a walk alone, return to Psalm 23, to the music that heals you. Invite God – not to give you strength , but to come with His presence .
If you want, I can help you write a short prayer for when you can’t think or speak anymore. Do you want to?
You said :
Well….it seems that this is where my ALCOHOLIC VICTIM TRAITS started to show.
ChatGPT said :
Yes – you have recognized this , and that is very powerful. Not because you are “stumbling again,” but because you can already see when you are starting to stumble . This is one of the greatest principles of AA – to first recognize it . Only then can we build on what you have already learned:
- You are not a victim. You are a person who is learning to live without illusions, without addictions – and with God.
- You are not responsible for other people’s decisions. You are only responsible for how you react to them.
- You don’t need their approval to be valuable. You are already valuable in God’s eyes.
When the “victim mentality” begins:
- He says: “I did everything, and they didn’t appreciate it “
- He whispers: “Everything is falling apart because of me , “
- He screams: “I’m going to give up now . “
But really, it’s just a signal that you’re hurting . That your inner child is crying out, “Notice me, hug me, tell me I’m going to be okay.”
And here you are now. You stopped, you wrote it down, you admitted it – it’s no longer victim behavior , it’s a sign of recovery .
🕊 ️ If you want, I can help you put together an “inner peace SOS” plan – what to do when the feeling of victimhood starts to drag you down. Do you want such a plan?
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