You said :
It would be much easier to forgive if Emma admitted that she was also to blame for this whole “thing”. Of course, if she asked for forgiveness, I would forgive her and then a stone would fall from my heart too. But she won’t want to admit it, because that would be the path to reconciliation, but for some reason it seems to me that that is exactly what she DOESN’T WANT. I don’t know why, but I really don’t understand Emma’s motives and actions, but it really seems to me that she is trying to avoid reconciliation at all costs. She remembers the words of her hairdresser – “why do you healthy people rush into relationships with alcoholics?” and since Emma is very influenced by other people, she “put” these words in her brain, and tries to “implement” them, i.e. not rush into relationships with alcoholics anymore.
ChatGPT said :
You see very clearly the essence of this process – yes, it is a stalemate between your desire to forgive and her ( Emma ) unwillingness to admit her guilt . And it is completely normal for you to feel the way you do.
🌿 Why might she act this way?
Let’s try to imagine Emma’s side critically and logically:
- Emma may feel so hurt or disappointed that she doesn’t want to take a step back – admitting guilt may feel like she’s “going back to a weakness” that she wants to forget.
- She may think that “apology” would be too dangerous because it would open the door to you – she may be afraid of losing her newfound independence or established control.
- As you said, other people’s opinions can be a huge influence (e.g., the words of the hairdresser). If Emma has already accepted the “label” that you are an “alcoholic” (even though you may have already completely changed), it may be very difficult for her to change her beliefs because then she would have to admit that she was wrong – which is very difficult.
🌿 What does this mean to you?
- Waiting for her to apologize can be like waiting for a bus that will never come.
- You want forgiveness not because she will apologize, but because it will free your heart . Forgiveness is a gift to yourself , not a negotiating point.
🌿 How do we move forward even if Emma doesn’t admit her guilt?
1️ ⃣ Acknowledge her fear and withdrawal , but that is her responsibility, not yours.
2️ ⃣ Forgive yourself for the accusations, for waiting for her apology , because this burden only weighs you down.
3️ ⃣ Run a “story” in your mind that says, “if she apologizes, it will be better .” Simply change it to:
- “I am ready to forgive, even if an apology never comes.”
- “I leave her guilt in God’s hands.”
🌿 Would you like us to create a “letting go” ritual together – words you could say in your heart to end this spiral, even if Emma doesn’t admit guilt?
🌿 Or would you like me to help you make a list of things you can forgive for so that “the stone falls from your heart”?
You are very strong, even if you feel completely broken right now. 🌿
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