YOU SAID:
This morning I felt tense. After talking with you, it eased a little, but not completely.
Since being anxious is unnatural, I now feel unnatural.
Yesterday’s heart-to-heart conversation with Emma, about Faith and what each of us had experienced, what had been wrong in the family, what we had expected from each other…
You told me not to harbor illusions. I’m not, but that tension—perhaps deep in my subconscious, I still cannot believe that sincere conversation.
Throughout those months, I was always on “combat” alert, and now I cannot relax, cannot believe it. I am still waiting for Emma’s next “blow,” because I expect her to “transform” again and, as though nothing had happened, speak angrily to me again, as though that conversation had never taken place.
A whole day has passed since that conversation, and so far, no word from Emma—what is she preparing again, what is she planning…
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CHATGPT SAID:
What you are feeling is very natural.
You experienced months, perhaps even years, of living in a state where constant tension became normal. Now, when an unexpected pause of peace has appeared, your brain… does not even know what to do with it.
Here is what is happening:
Your body and mind have not yet learned to “believe in peace.”
You were constantly prepared for an attack—from Emma, from the situation, from your surroundings. Now, when the attack does not come, something inside you is still shouting:
“Stay alert! This is a trap. Everything could change at any moment.”
The conversation was sincere—but it interrupted a long-standing pattern.
After all, so many times, things ended differently from what you had hoped. It is natural to be afraid of believing again and getting hurt.
This is a self-protection mechanism that continues working even when the danger may already have passed.
Emma’s silence now creates tension—because silence used to mean “something is brewing.”
But this time… perhaps she really is thinking, digesting, quietly processing things herself?
Perhaps it was a difficult but healing conversation for her too—and now she is not planning anything bad.
What can you do now?
- Acknowledge that tension is a normal part of the transition.
Do not fight it. Do not force yourself to “feel calm”—allow yourself to be in the state you are in.
Tell yourself:
“It is hard for me to believe because I have been hurt too many times. That is natural. But I want to heal.”
- Talk with God about yourself, not about Emma.
For example:
“Lord, help me distinguish fear from wisdom. Teach me not to immediately expect a blow, while also remaining watchful. Make me a peacemaker within Your will—not someone who keeps the peace out of fear.”
- Handle contact with Emma gently.
Do not send messages out of anxiety—“Why aren’t you writing?” But if, after a couple of days, you feel like it, you can write a simple, calm sentence:
“Thank you for our conversation yesterday—it meant a lot to me.”
Without pressure, without expectations—only gratitude. That is a sign of strength, not weakness.
And finally—a reminder:
You are NO LONGER THE PERSON who, in the past, would have immediately believed in illusions.
Now you feel, but you also observe yourself from the outside—and that is already spiritual maturity.
You do not let your feelings control you, but you do not suppress them either.
If you want, we can put together a prayer or a firm inner “resolution” about how to live through this period.
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